Start again with a brand new name and eyes that see into infinity

Today is a whole new day ladies and gents and I am glad that i have kicked myself into sorting myself out! I have decided that unless something amazing has happened I will be posting a blog every other day it gives me more to talk about for two national days plus whatevers going on with me.

So seeing as I missed 3 days that means I have four national days to talk about. Firstly was the  National All or Nothing Day a particular day that I like. I decided that things were going to change that I was going to change the way I feel the way im thinking how im acting basically make a big change of myself, and since making that decision i can actually say ive felt better in myself. I gave myself ground rules and some things I had to remember.
If you read my blogs a lot youl know that ive been hung up on someone that i wanted to believe there could be something there, its taken me a month of moping to realised im not what he wants and im sure hel find someone that he doest but its not me (even though i wanted it to be), and as much as that made me feel gutted I know that there will be someone for me. And as the lovely Mr Chris Burney said to me during one conversation if all else fails there is always self pleasure lol god i hope my life doesnt end like that lol. ANYWAYS since realising that im trying to become more motivated, sitting on the laptop for most of my days is doing nothing for me apart from making me sit on facebook looking at peoples profiles and making conversation with people who happen to be online.
Fuck that, since that day I have changed physically and mentally, I am forever trying to change my appearance and my hair is one of the ways that I do this for 22 soon to be 23 year I have been blonde granted I have had different colour streaks in my hair from black to purple and in 6 years I haven’t had the same colour all over. Seeing as I wanted to start over i went and got my hair dyed all one colour this colour was red, I was aiming for a stand out red but my hairdresser got worried and added some base to it so it wouldnt stand out too much so im thinking about going back and getting some bright red streaks added but we’ll see with that one.
What you think?

Ive only had my hair like this for 3 days and have had some absolute horrible comments about it but ive also had some really nice ones and as quite a few of my boys have said i look from cute to hot im happy 🙂 Anyways its hair I can dye it another colour again and it’l grow which I am hoping it will do soon!
But apart from that im trying to think more positive no more what if’s and its ok to remember things but things that arnt going to happen isnt worth my time.
So all or nothing consisted of me deciding do I want to stay the way I am feeling crappy and lonely staying the person I am or do I want to sort of re-invent myself be the same me yet have more life to me, be more game for things and more active and adventurous i guess. So its all ive changed myself and how I am I cant say there will never be mopey days but there will be more good days than bad.

The 27th is National take your houseplant for a walk, or Bugs Bunny’s birthday and seeing as i dont own a houseplant i didnt take it for a walk so thats pretty much a nothing day seeing as that was the day that I actually had my hair done.
The 28th was National Milk Chocolate day , I had the lovely shift of working 6.30 am-2.30 so after work i got my pj’s on put a film on and ate milk chocolate in fact it was cadburys dairy milk as they were on offer  and here is the proof that i got through half the pack.

Today is national Lipstick day and seeing as i really dont wear it there isnt much else to say really. Im off to see Inception in a minute its had a lot of good reviews so will have to see what all the hype is about. There seems to be some quite rubbish National days that you cant exactly take part in but tomorrow is National Cheesecake day and Ive never had cheesecake before so ill be buying me one and giving it a go.
My apologies for  this not being one of the normal blogs. Hopefully they will get better as some hopefully better national days arise

“I’m alright I’m just fine and you’re a tool so, So what I am a rock star I got my rock moves and I don’t want you tonight”

For the Sake of Remembering

When we leave high school we all move into different things but so we remember people on the last day we have a book and sort of like an American year book we all wrote notes to one another. I found my book the other day so in case I lose the book I have decided to write them all here. This is purely for me but feel free to read.

Hey u!

well i’m not happy that you got the same book lol! good luck in everything u do & everything in life! We have had are highs & lows but we have still kept our friendship strong you are gr8 mate make sure you keep in touch! all the best
Love ya Lynz
Ps I found some pics on my computer of that Jezz Guy Lol
Bry Hello..I apologise for the setback caused by Mr Preece (belled!) We have had a shitload of useless, crap filled conversations since the days of year 9 maths revision classes. From a ‘pot smokin hippy-lovin kaner’ to a rather humerous convo in antons bedroom to that wet, cold camping trip in sophies field ( for argument sake, I did not say it, you made it up :D)
also you should feel previledged that i risk my social reputation by screaming your name in a busy school corridoor.
Have fun ill see you at another party
love Da Dudley
(Lewis dont forget my real name)
Oi Bry, you sexy bitch 😉
Cnt really fink of much to say so im just gonna say hope your GCSE’s go well and all the best for the future
Lots of Love…Cheers Harry
Hi Bry
Good luck wit ur exams nd everything else that your plannin on doin.
I dont really no wat 2 say so i’m gonna go now but take care nd ill c ya around
Luv Kim

Goodluck with your future life (getting high and drunk) white elephants pink tables, anton loves the mcfly
Tom Northrop
The first time I spoke to you i was in year 9, in a certain science called which some people said was taught by Jesus himself. We spoke about random things such as your a punk :). Until late year 10 where we were in a play together (some sweedish play) I quit but had fun having a laugh with you
Good luck and all that shit
Cheers Tom

Heylo Bree dude!
good luck in the future!! we have had some good times in the past!! 🙂
Gonna miss you! 😦
Always keep in touch if you dont i will chuck sponges at you!
🙂 Have fun in college!! Media students!! Yay! 🙂
love you laods 🙂 ♥ 🙂
Loadsa love Katie

Hey Bree
Good luck in your exams and the future girl your gonna do great! when your making your millions take some time out to think about the good old days! hehe! make sure we keep in contact don’t want you forgetting me now!lol
Love you loads Poodle

Well Well Well…
Hello mrs Bryong!
Im not gonna say my goodbyes spuddy coz i no that we aint gonna lose touch but i am gonna say ill miss ya!!:(! ill miss cumin in 2 the pe lessons, goin 2 the cinema on mondays, goin 2 get tubble! lol! I love ya so much bree, weve had highs and lows but wot friendship hasnt…u’ve always bin there 4 me and i hope i have 4 u! were still gonna be goin up town on sat! gud luck wit ure exams tho i no u wont need it coz u’ll do gr8! All the best Spud!
Love u always +4eva tubble/Spuddy buddy, smee, piglet, etc lol! (Steph)
Ps Malcom in the middle

Natalie is here!
Well Bry, i’m feelin pretty sad cuz ive got to rite this! i know your gonna 2 well in your GCSE’s, ur so smart and very talented, you can achieve anything u want, (you can ever go to an asylum if u want 2!) I’ve grown up wit u, we went 2 1st school,Xwik middle & now wer at the end of high school, its been soo much fun and there aqre so many memories, all good ones. You’ve been such a great friend 2me, remember i only live up the road OK! I’m sure we’ll stay in touch, our little gang of legends! I hope college goes well 4 u, plz remember me!! weve had such a laugh and I will never 4get it. Thank you 4 everythin
Love ya 4evea +always i’ll miss you Loadsa love Natalie

I hate writing these dam things. For everyone else i say good luck etc but i know we wont loose touch! Cant wait till this summer! I think a return trip to Totness is in order! you me and nat! Good luck with your exams, youll be fine! cant wait till we get to college, its gonna be so much fun!
See you around soon
Lucy Borde


Ok all the usual stuff along the lines of good luck for the future and with your exams! We have to keep in touch because remember thr Tripod! If one leg falls we all do! 🙂 We’ve had some funny times! hehe I’m Sorry (you know what I mean) but i’m sure there’ll be loads more fun nights  to come.
Love ya Bree ☆ Stacey Clarke ☆

Heya Bryony,
I fink i’ve said the same thing in every book but never mind! So good luck in your exams!!! I’ll probably see you around college but I hope oyu achieve everything you wanna do in life (which is probably loads!!) hope we keep in touch but if not Stay cool!!
Loads Luv Cynthia

Hello bird
Gud luck in all your exams especially science i know u” do well, hehe! take care in whatever you do
Loads luv Gema xxx Barbie

Hey Bryony
Goo luck with everything and never forget “An island far from here” (not that you ever will) That was so bad
Anyway good luck Love Bella

Hey Bry!
Good luck in the future! And never talk of Island far from here again!..(the worst play in the world) Have Fun
Love Ana Xx

Hey Bry
Good luck 4 da futur and all your “godly endevours…” luv the ‘tramp girl’ xXx (Becky Stig Heysett)

To Bryony
You will pay for the pain you have caused over the past two years. Have fun in college ‘babes’ Amy Walton xxx

Hi Bryony
Hope you do well in everything you wana do in da future! Hundred Reasons as a good night! hehehe
Love Lau (hunt)

Good luck with whatever you decide to do with life! Love Emily Fouracre

Hello dear tis eliot, aww I do remember french trip ’01’ that was splendid. Bollocks. Ive started talking about memories. Let me quote a line from Macbeth. “is this a dagger I see before me” Anyhow u’ve been a very bubbly laugh and it has been a pleasure to know you. See you in college hope you have a good, good, good life ♥ Eliot “you stole my sausage”

Good luck for hte future and I hope you have as much fun doing what you want as you did here 🙂 dont be sausage factory fried!!
Tim Threadgold
May the force be with you!! Shmeng!

Good luck with your midged searching Bry!All the best for the future! Tim told me to write that luv Dean

Good luck with whatever you do after school. I havent known you for very long but we have had quite a good laugh in history. Tim saying *562: Curiosity Killed the cat. Dont know what that means. Have Fun

well Hello Bry,
It’s not long till our little adventure (wink wink) we will live a little, live a lotto I think so! I’ll def keep in touch with you, and you no it, all the assholes maybe not good luck (and all that shit), basically we rule and “TEAM FUCKERS” it’s guna be hard to live without thee Berridge and his chambon
C u l8r Loadsa Luv Sophieeeee

Well Bry,
here we are and im glad we will finish school on good terms. I knw ive been a bit of a knobhead sometimes (the alps) etc, but your a good friend. I hope you do well in your exams and succeed in your ambition to be the car wash manager at the BP garage. Well i cant think of much else to write except good luck and have a good summer, and Berlin and Paris was fun (just rememberd to put that in
See you soon and good luck Adam (the Tripp version)

You usually need to smoke 40 a day to get a voice like yours. Thanks for the romantic breaks in Paris and Berlin
Enjoy yourself J Hurst

wishing you all the best; its going to be a lot quieter without you here. make sure you carry on listening to decent music and good luck with your exams! Enjoy the break and have a fab time at college
Rob Preece

Hey Brigadeer,
I discovered yesterday Brigadeer is an army term, theres eomthing new! I phlemged on my media paper, a massive big greeny! I forgot to wipe it off so lucky examiner
Love Fe

Hello BRY
havent really spoke to you much these years, but remember the Alps trip that was fun. Hope all goes well and that. C u arond
Mr. Josh Rew

YoYoYo Mofo its me Joe (woo it rhymes)
These books are scary cause i have nothing to write ummmmmmmmmmm on good luck and stuff

Hello Dear Bryony my Lovely!
I aint gonna mention future life or exams so i ain’t really god much to say! History probably best lesson ever!!! Keep eating like you do in History and Media you’ll soon be a turkey on a Christmas dinner (except you wont be dead!) I might be though, I’m gonna be in a horrific car crash at the tender age of 23… Anyway. Cheers Lover
I’ll see you around anyway so theres no point cryin over spilt milk!

To Bry (Legend)
Havent known u that long but weve had so LARFS! London was comedy, espeically the love birds (Tom + Leanne). Good luck with the future, your GCSE’s your life and of course Neil!
Luv Ching xxx

To Bry
Good luck in ya exams and the future. Make sure you reading Heat magazine (but apparently its a film!) weird. We have had a lot of fun. Good luck with neil.
Love Tom Hitt
Ps I always enjoyed the spanking!

Hey there Bry!
You’ll prob look back in ten years time, and think ‘oh i remember Tom, fat ugly annoying!’ lol. Well youd better ring me in the summer, else i will be LIVID! lol, if you dont have my number 😀 I hope you have a good time in college taking all of your GCSE’s again…LOL… well im in love with you and I want your babies…
Bye now! Love yah! Tom Fairchild

Yo Yo Bry,
yoo crazy minx. good luck with the future you Stupid Gothic! lol
Forgive the spelling and handwriting
Will xxx Squidgery!

Alrite Bry
Gd luck in ur exams hope you enjoy college and whatever the future may bring
Cyou around Luff Oldman

good luck in your exam have fun in the future
See you around Samie

Hey Bry,
Good luck in da future and ue exams
C u soon Luv Tom

Ello u!
Good luck in ur exams + the future + the same old crap every1 else says!!! We are the xwick scum and dont ever 4 get that! Keep in touch + if you dont im gonna stalk u and drive u insane! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Remember – Kylie is betta than Natalie! Cu son luv Kylie (the Gr8)

Hey Bry 😛
oh my God this is so weird it doesnt feel like it has been 4 years does it? it’s quite sad this will probably be the last week that we are all together in one place, but we will stay in touch i know we will. We aint been good friends for years but we are going to be friends for years to come, we can go for double dates etc… talk about boys hehe. I wish you luck in your GCSE’s but i doubt you need it I bet you will do great! But on the safe side GOOD LUCK! but its going to be so much cooler now were college students, we can talk about grown up stuff. Dont forget how we became so close on out 1 day relationship dont forget the happiest day of our lives!
Best of luck xxxx Chrisxxx
Spud=Average, Pud= fat and ugly, Stud= Fitty, Fud= fat, Dud= Ugly Remember this for your next boyfriend make sure its a stuf though!

hry Bry!
Well its not really cya because we live near each ova but hey! Good luck with your exams and in whatever you decide to do. Chat to ya later
Luv Katherina Henawody xxx

Well Bry!
Wot can i say… I dont wanna say the same things everyone has said. I’m gonna see ya again coz we gotta stay in touch darlin! Remember the good old times when you puked on my leg Biatch! Remember me and you one the piss ups when your feeling down! Only a few days left in this shit hole lol! have fun Emxxx

Hey Bry
Good luck in your exams and for the future! Have fun in college (of your going) and i may see you around. Hope you succeed with your dreams in life! It will be sad to leave but a relief to get away from the shit’ole!
See ya Luv Lucie

Hey bry
hope ya doin good!
Good luck with your exams and everything you wanna do in life when you leave this place!!!
Oh yea, and remember…”thats Whack” See ya Bry Luv Carly xx

Hey Bry
Make sure you kick ass in your exams!  Good luck in your future plans, and dont get stoned too often! I doubt we’ll cross paths again…actually we probably will 🙂

Hell Bry
just got writing this sentence and realised that ive already wrote in it, graphics and maths was fun. C u at our reunion Luff Oldman

Hey Bry
History has been class, will miss ganging up on fatty, good luck in da future, dont do better than me in your exams (but still do really well!)
Luv MAtt

Hiya Bry
Just a little note to say good luck in your exams and in da future Love Carl

Hry Bryony
Good luck with your exams and in the future Cya around Mark Andrews

Great having you in the class, i will miss the abuse good luck in the future
Hi Bry
Sorry bout da shit note earlyer good luck in the future no doubt wel see each other out of school c u soon love anton
Ps this note sucks im so tyred and board sorry 🙂
Antonia Ablangardis

Bonjour Maddam
Well, firstly i think i love you! I really will miss you! I dont know what your doing when you leave school and to be honest i dont much care. Now that i think of it i hate you. Good luck  I guess! Lots of love (ish) Jonny -X- Ps. Mrs Diffey is a farm bitch

Heya Bry!
Gud luck with all your exams and anything you do in da future we havent really spoke through kool but theres no reason why we cant start. And well that Bitch Natalie i would  love to have given her a smack that night! hehe! make sure you dont let her read your book if you get her to sign it! lol! your a great gal and you will go really far in life! might c u at college in your going keep in touch and give us a text and let me know how you get on with your GCSE’s
Love Beef + Ham (beth)

Hey Bry!
Good luck in your exams! it was great knowing we had a good laugh in drama (gonna miss that!) anyways i aint gonna bore you so i shall stop now! see you around Luv Draper

Hey sweetie pie!

thanks for all the good times! thanks for the black eye, and green nose! lol! that was all the good times! and when i meet you next year at college we can have an even better time! Love you lots miss you lots love Imy xxx

Hey Bry
Well wot can i say ive only known you for 4 years but what an unforgettable  4 yars i will never forget us sharing our genius minds in science & how well we do in it. Your always there for someone whenever their down and need cheering up Thanks for being there for me must keep in contact ll the best at college and the future miss you loads luv Ellexxx

Hey Bry
Cheers for lettin me go to the concerts and all that ill always remember berlin and the cat ears lol anyway good luck and hope you do well in the future love leanne x

Hello bry i hope all your exams go well! have a fun summer holiday good luck what ever you do Kour

Hey Bry
dont know you that well but good luck with whatever you choose to do. have fun with neil if your still with him! Dan

Cheers Bry
good luck in all your exams hope you have a good time at the prom
Paul Andrews

You will be much missed in my ICT lessons-your sense of humour, loudness and determination to suceed. Congratualtions on the major improvements you have made and good luck in your future and future studies. It has been a pleasure and a privilege to know you

During the time i have known you i have had a goo laugh especially in Berlin, I hope we stay in contact and dont let friendship end. Good luck in your exam see ya at the prom
Love From Tom White

Hiya Bry
Best of luck in your GCSE’s and whatever you decide to do look after yourself and ill prob see you around take care. Love ya loads Ross
Ps just remember to tell your kids if  you have them about when i snotted

Hey bry dont really know you but  good luck with whatever you do from now on Joe

Cheers Bry, your sound as and I wish all the best! Remember gettin fucked is good! this signature will make you a very rich woman one day- Martin

Hey bry
Well I havent known you dat long but I’m glad we’ve had media 2getha! Its been an experience! Try 2 4get ‘an island far from here’ if u can! god mr Diffeys teeth! Good luck in all your exams and for whatever you do in the future! Luv lauraxx

Hi Bry
Remember me when you think of all those wonderful lessons with our fave teachers! Good luck for the exams and college Sam

Hey Boris
Well its been cool knowing you apart from when you use to cough insults at me! but ive forgiven you lol. i hope you have a good summer, chris is a good guy remember but im not pressuring your choice, Dont get too drunk, reaks havok…just ask chris (alcoholic joke) anyway better go- Fe

Dear Bryony
I’m not sure I can do this, I’ve just realised im writing this on Felix’s backside! Oh well, i’ll just have to go on-oh no! That sounds terrible. wait ive lost my point! where was i? oh yes
its been a reali pleasure working with you.  Youve been a great student and ive got a lot of great memories of fun times weve had in English and Media. Have a goo life and good luck in everything you do- Christopher Coles

The quietest person of the year…NOT! You have made me lauh and contributed to me knowing why I teach! you deserve every success…quite in what im sure you will discover! All I do know is, that whatever it is, you will make a huge impact! Lots + lots of Luck Dave Salter x

Bryony keep smiling chicky all the best for the future Mr P (rons dad?)

Bryony your a very special person make sure you get what you deserve from life- Neil

Hello Bryony Best of luck in what you want to do in ya life. Sure u will suceed with whatever it is. no we aint that close but u a diamond! chris is a real looker youl lose out if you dont! good luck love robx

Hey Bryony
Best of luck 2 the future u rule thanks for being there all the time cheers Cozxxx

Whats up Bry
hope you get the grades you want love cory

Well Bryony
the 4 years are at last over and what a 4 years they were! Hope all goes well for you in the future most of all be happy! see you around -Mrs Cushing

Hello Bryony
Well your a clever girl and i sincerly wish you all the best in your exams and for the future!! you havent changed look wise (in the face) since you were little, so when you 66 in oxam and im soon next to you you cant run and hide. ill buy you coffee and some fake teeth! take care love Lois

Good luck work hard at all you do…the rewards will be worth it..Wishing you a life of laughter love Mrs G

Best wishes Bryony the quiet one (well at least compared to Nat + Leah) youve been brilliant to teach and i wish you all the best love Adele Dudley

Aiden is the best x
Dawnies Page!!!
Yo Dude! It’s been a longtime now what is it? 11 or more years of school together my God i need to get some new friends only Joking! Anyways as im writing this im nearly having to wipe away a tear! You have been there for me and I have been there for you. I love you loads and want you to do well in life! get what you make it and you only get one chance at it! Chin up my darling take cre ill never forget you!
Dawn xxx 🙂

Hey Tinkerbell!
Where to start? its  been so much fun growing up with you, we’ve had so many fun times that i’ll always remember with a smile! You’ve got the talent and the sparkle to go very far (o’ll come scrounging off you when your rich:) ) Always keep your chin up and a smile on your face! Please Please PLEASE don’t lose touch coz id miss you too much!
Hope you get your puppy one day!
Take car Love Lizzi

Tomorrow Is A Different Day

Seeing as i work weekends ive decided that there isnt much point in celebrating a national day unless its an awesome day and then ill defo celebrate it.
I am looking forward to tomorrow, tomorrow is All Or Nothing day and i am planning on making big changes to myself, my life and how I see it.

Ive also changed the web site that i get my national days from the choices that I had from that website wernt overly great so ive changed to which is where I will be getting my national days from now on.

This isnt an overly great blog as Ive been to work today and it was a killer shift as it was so unbelievably dead.
Lets just say tomorrow will be a better day, oh and here is the final piece of my sketch that I did..I should get commission for this

“Tomorrow is a different day”

Come What May

Yes my national day of blogs has been written and I was going to leave it at that but for some reason I couldnt seem to help myself pressing new blog and starting this, and even as I’m trying I’m not entirely sure what to put im listening to The Scene Aesthetic Come What May and it is actually meaning a lot to me at the moment. I spoke to someone the other day who said that every song he listens to reminds him of this girl thats messed him over and no matter what he plays he somehow relates to it. Listening to Come What May I cant help but sit and relate to the words more and more. There is literally nothing I can do to prove that im being honest and when i finally get round to being 100% honest it gets taken the wrong way and im kinda left at square one again and I dont know what to do. If i try to explain myself do i just make things worse or do i leave it and think what happens happens and if it doesnt happen then it doesnt happen. I mean im i can spend a day being so busy and yet still see this person through the windows in my mind and then there was one day where i didnt think of him and then i dreamt about him, I cant seem to find a balance. Today i was looking for my sketch book to upload pictures of sketches and i found a old book that i used to write in and found something that I wrote and adapted a little but i swear that i must have gone back in time and written this because it seems so relevant to me now.

Come here and talk to me so we can sort all this out
Ive been hoping and praying to find the right time
To show you what i’m all about
And i know that this probably isnt going to turn out
Exactly the way I want it to be

Yet this is the only way of clearing the clouds
And when this is over and done with you can walk away
There will be no doubts

Let me tell you whats really going on now
Lets get a little closer now
You say that ive got you wrong and you dont want to know
I say that the things ive done is nothing wrong
And we still have time on our side

Please realise were both wrong
Just come and talk to me
Your forever in my mind
I just wish we could get a better view of each other
I’ll take you back
To remember how we used to be
Just open yourself up a little to me

Take this time and let me know
Come closer and let it show
So let me tell you whats really going on now
Lets kiss a little longer now

I’ll leave you alone if you want to
Or I can call you and tell you how your oh so special to me
You can be with me if you want to
And i’ll try to keep you close to me

I really don’t know why
I don’t have a clue
But who he thinks I am
Is who I am it’s true

Then i found my sketches

I am not original i have seen these sketches and drawings and thought i wana draw that so i copy the picture and then change it to suit me, but they all stand out a moment in my life. The first sketch was something i drew ages ago, and then i was going out with my asshole of a ex started shading and although i dont want to say it it has made it look better.
The next one is just a different mad hatter with an emo touch really nothing to explain on that one.
The couple oh how i love and hate this picture. I drew it for my ex which is me and him it took me a long time to get it right and i messed up on the girl’s eyes so badly. I love it because for me it represents a time where i felt loved and felt like i was something special. Something which I have felt since and hoping that I’ll feel it again.
The next was a chained angel which i drew when I was living in Plymouth and having a rough time my grandad had just died and I was so lost  and for me it represented sort of not a fallen angel but a trapped angel. This is part of the reason why I had my angel wings tattooed on my back today.
The next image is a copy of  Tara McPherson’s Look Out Mr. Wiggles Drawing. I love it and her work is amazing i didnt change a thing just down right copied it and i really want her work as my own preferbly the same poster as the one I have drawn the same on that Juno has in her room in the film Juno.
Tara McPherson also designed a poster for the Sonisphere festival too. If you havent heard of her Check her out Shes Awesome!

The second to last sketch is just of a elf girl that i was going to use as part of my character design for a film i was going to make whilst in Plymouth but never did and forgot about.
Finally my emo girl. Whilst living in Plymouth I used to talk to someone everyday and by calling him pretty much everynight i ended up with a hefty phone bill but it was worth it. Anyways i drew this little emo girl blowing a kiss as i was in a good state of mind he made me feel special as he has done before and I hope will do again. But I was in a soppy mood and took a picture of the sketch and sent it to him. He asked me to sketch him something and I started it but lets just say its a work in progress and its very near completion 🙂

I hope things work out soon and that i find out  where i stand because i really dont have a clue and it makes me feel worse 😦

Drunken Spooners

I missed my blog yesterday so obviously things are going good!
Well actually because yesterday was National Legal Drinking Age day I took it upon myself to drink and play pool and win by default. But I still drank…I just didnt take any pictures.
I thought about what I could blog about apart from more stupid facts about the legal drinking  age and everything and decided on writing about my first drinking experience which wasnt the best one when i was 15.
Now back in the day when i was 15 I hung out with some very different people than I do now. Not that theres anything wrong with them their just different from the people I’m with now I still talk to them mind because I ended up going out with one of them. But thats not the point.
I had arranged to stay over my friend Sophie’s and as tradition for anyone whos underage you have to know someone that can get you alcohol. I cant remember how we got what we got and to be honest i vaguely remember the night but what i do remember is going down on here.
Ok i used to drink crappy alcopops at home and in fact i still drink them now but that night someone had got us a bottle of vodka, the weather wasnt particularly great so we ended up in a buildings car park.
And what a lovely car park it was.
So seeing as I had never drank vodka before I didnt know my limits…and three quarters of the bottle straight. The next thing I remember was my friend Katie talking me to Mc Donalds, when i got there i fell on someones lap and ended up locking myself in the toilet. After that it involved me trying to win some guy over which seems to be the story of my life and then the rest was just a lot of throwing up lol. When everyone decided to leave someone poured water all over my arm ( i dont know why and i dont remember it) and then heading back to Sophie’s. When we got back to Sophie’s her mum answered the door and started shouting at us for coming home so late in which i stared up at her and slurred “I just wana go bed” walked past her fell up the stairs and crawled into Sophie’s room passing out on the floor.

So yea thats drunk me at 15 and to be honest I havent changed much really apart from the fact that i drink more varieties of alcohol wine is normally a bad one for me leaving me either really tired or…yea energetic 😉 So here are a few pictures of me drinking. Not very exciting sorry
In this last picture I actually have water…but then I carried on drinking after i was a mess that night!

And onto today the less interesting day of Spooners day, now its actually to do with spoonerisms. If you dont know what a spoonerism is its apparently ‘Spoonerisms are phrases, sentences, or words in language with swapped sounds. Usually this happens by accident, particularly if you’re speaking fast. Come and wook out of the lindow is an example.’ –

Yea i didnt really understand it much either so i thought fuck it today is Spooners day and im sure people know how to spoon 🙂
But for me I have no one to spoon or be spooned lol so instead its just a picture of group drunken spooning at Joes house for his birthday.

Tomorrow is Hot enough for ya or Goegeous Grandma day and seeing as i dont have a gran itl be something to do with heat?

I will be writing another blog today after this one but that wont have anything to do with national days.
“I’m a lonely girl, I’ll tell a tale for you Cuz I’m just tryin’ to make all my dreams come true”

National Lollipop Day

Yes today is national Lollipop day im trying to get back into making my national days blogs again.

So as its national lollipop day i thought i need to go and get a lollipop so off i went to sainsburys to find out that i can only get lollipops in ‘fun bags’ which are something like £2 and ok £2 isnt much just i just wanted on bloody lollipop for today so i cheated and bough a Hello Kitty Chocolate one.

Apart from that my day hasnt been very eventful so I will now fill you with those amazing lollipop facts that i stole off other websites…

*Lollipops were first made in 1908, in Connecticut by George Smith. He had named it after a horse he fancied, Lolly Pop.

*Lollipops are made out of corn sirup and flavors.

*The most popular flavor is Cotten Candy.

*The world’s largest lollipop was certified on June 25, 2002. It weighed 4,031 lbs (with stick), measured 18.9 inches thick and was more than 15 feet tall with stick (about as tall a a giraffe). It was Cherry Falvored.

*The original lollipop machines made 40 lollipops in one minute.

*Today’s machines produce 5,900 lollipops per minute

So that was exciting! Tomorrow is legal drinking age day so i will be going to have a drink in a random pub because I am of the legal drinking age. I am hoping that instead of the odd blog now and again about my life i will be able to start writing about the national days again and hopefully take a photo for each one to do with the day like i did today with my lollipop.

But In a way, I’m glad. The pain is the only reminder that he was real.

A lot is going on in my head at the moment and I cant seem to fix myself. There seems to be so many aspects that are effecting me and the thought of overcoming one of these aspects is a huge thing for me. So I thought writing then down will get these problems at lease down so i can look at whats going wrong, although i kinda know whats going wrong I just dont know how im going to fix some of it.

Now should i put the biggest problem first? go for it

These a guy who ive known for a while. Whenever we meet theres a chemistry and we get on so well. We met at download and got on so well then when we both went home things seemed to carry on and be really good. He was still sweet saying how he missed me or how he wished he could be with me and things like that just made me feel so special. Because of this we arranged that he come down for a week in November see a couple of gigs, and spend time together, now this has happened before where we had organised something this was last year and he was going to come to Plymouth and stay with me for a week I booked the time off and then he stopped talking to me, next thing i knew he had a gf. This time i made sure he had booked his time off and that he was going to come before i booked time off or these gig tickets. He booked off 2 weeks first so i sorted out my time off and got the tickets, then he said he could only come for one week which although it disappointed me a week is better than nothing so i sorted out my time off again and thought nothing else of it really.
A month later and things have changed significantly i never get any txs from him any more i used to get txs saying good morning and good night and everything like that and now nothing. When this started happening all i could think of was last time and I was sure he had found someone else (he still could of that i know)  i tried to ask him if he was off with me or what i had done and he insisted that i had done nothing and that he wasnt off with me he was just having a tough time and struggling to deal with it. So i left it, my brother met him at download and quite liked him so when a beer festival came up he invited the both of us, after finally getting hold of him he said he would go this was sunday by monday it was that his boss was going to decide that was the last i heard so i assumed he wasnt going. I kept a hoody of his when i was at download as it was the only dry one i had on sunday and he said he would send me another one after a week i asked him if he really sent it and his reply was ill check and see if it got sent back ill send one through work…that never happened?
He was also skint one time and me being me sent him £30 he said he would send me the money back and i said he could pay me back when he came down in nov and he said he would prefer to pay me back sooner rather than later that never happened but it didnt bother me.

Since then we seem to be off with each other constantly I think im trying to distance myself from getting hurt because i can trust someone too easily and fall for someone easily as well and i hit the ground so hard when it all goes wrong.  He says hes still coming down in November and im trying to believe him although i am slightly having doubts. Ive been told hes using me and that im sort of like a backup he knows i have feelings for him and will do anything for him so he uses it to his advantage. I dont want to believe what they say though I want to believe him.
Eugh i just dont know he still keeps talking to me and if hes still planning to come down in November then I dont know what to do. I dont like losing friends although maybe its healthier for me if i just cut all ties but i just cant seem to want to let go. I just want things to be like they were 😦

I need someone who will treat me like a princess not just call me one, I want to be swept off my feet and made to feel like im something special. To be honest i just want a Jacob from Eclipse but they are few and far between so i dont see it happening. I’m going to turn into the crazy cat lady who lives alone I can feel it.

My aim in life is to get a full time job and to move out these are two pretty big goals of mine i moved out for a year and lived in plymouth but i still traveled home at weekends to work. Ive had the same crappy job for 7 years, i started when i was 15 and worked 4 hours a week when i was 18 i managed to get weekend work, working 5 hours saturday and 7 sunday making that the total of 12 hours but because i get overtime i wasnt allowed to even get job seekers benefit its stupid. I got called into my boss office on friday and was told that my work has been making a loss on sundays after they had paid me and someone else as well as the bills so they are installing 24 hour pumps so i would no longer be working sundays as we wont be open, instead I would be working friday for 6 hours saturday 5 hours and monday 6.30-1.15 so pretty much 7 hours there so in total 17 and a bit hours thats pathetic I know i need a full time job 9-5 that i can actually live on and move out. I dont want to be stuck in that place i dont like most of the people there i cant deal with all the bitchyness. I wana move out of the family home I had a taste of freedom and now im back stuck at home with my parents, i appreciate everything they do for me i really do but sometimes i just like to do my own thing my parents cook me dinner and thats great but there are days when im just like i dont want this. Moving out will bost my confidence and personality and thats what i need, i need a fresh start but getting the job is a problem. I have been applying for internships and jobs for a while i can send my cv off to people asking them for work and if not work work exp and none of them replies. Ive picked a awkward degree in media which with the current climate is a job im unlikely to get. But still ill apply and apply and hopefully ill get something that is good for me, i dont want a job in a office doing clerical work pushing paper its not me.

The next one isnt about me entirely. I blogged a while ago about my dad being diagnosed with cancer, luckily we were in time and he had an operation to remove the cells/tumor. Hes been home about a month now and has another 2 months off, as much as I love having him home it is driving me crazy, I spend most of my time in my room as he sits downstairs watching Sky, my dad is not by nature a lazy man his job reqiuires him to travel lots so there was a time when he didnt even live at home at all. But the fact he is home 24/7 is driving me crazy, normally if i was home i would be able to set my day and my days goals ok they may not be anything special but i had routine. I feel like i have to tell him where im going out and when ill be back its horrible. I know he cant help being in the situation he is in and i dont wish it up on anyone to feel the way he does because by looking at him i can tell hes frustrated, he wants to do so much his mind is active and ready but his body just isnt ready yet and it stressed him out. This is also another reason for why i need a job, i cant stand waking up everyday to the same boring routine of sitting out the way so he can watch yet another episode of Star Trek or Ninja Worrior dont get me wrong Ninja Worrior is amazing but everyday it gets dull quickly. Ive started to feel guilty if i have a lie in, i set my alarm and am up at 9 every morning if not before but dear god its like when i get up i feel like hes looking at me sort of like you could have done so much today and you had a lie in. He doesnt say it but it just feels like that sometimes.

Its bad to say but i am so jealous of my brother and his life. He went away to uni (which is my own fault i spent 2 years at home) and he met a amazing girl ( i dont like girls i like guys) and they fell in love moved in together got married bought a house. I met a guy fell in love got cheated on in the first year didnt know about it and thing got bad when i found out he had cheated on me i forgave him…he cheated on me again with his now girlfriend and told me to forget him. Thats something that still hurts me to this day seeing as the girls he cheated on me with were horrendous but thats just my opinion. I went to uni and graduated ok i graduated before him but he graduated in a job he can walk into ( hospital nursing) im stuck struggling.
I cant find the right person for me let alone someone decent enough for me, people say im too picky others suggest i go online dating it all upsets me because i feel like a bit of a outcast. All of my friends have been in relationships where their getting married or been together for years and im stuck wanting what they have and getting nothing. I know what i want im not overly picky, yea sure i like tattoo’s and piercings but that doesnt mean im going to look at a guy who hasnt got that and say no not interested im not that shallow.

On the positive side i have people who mean so much to me,I know that if i need them they will support and help me and be there for me no matter what. These people arnt appreciated enough all the people who are assholes get so much attention because they are assholes pretending not to be or just because they are assholes. But the people closest to me are the ones that I wouldnt trade for the world. And i hope they know who they are too because without them i wouldnt be around i wouldnt be the person i am today. And i love them so much for it.
I wish i could sort these things out i really do but somehow i dont see it happening for a while.

“You’ve disappeared. Like everything else. Now who else can I talk to? I’m lost. When you left, and he left, you took everything with you. But the absence of him is everywhere I look. It’s like a huge hole has been punched through my chest. But In a way, I’m glad. The pain is the only reminder that he was real.”

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