This Is For Everyone And No One


Time seems to go really fast, and I keep going to write things down and I keep putting things off and then it never happens.
So at the moment I am at a stable sence of mind, I like to think im in a good place, and I have some amazing friends and even have things to look forward to next year which for me is a first. Every year when New Years gets closer I sit to think about my year and my achievements and it seems that I am doing that very thing at this moment, in past years I have thought about the heartache and sorrow I have felt after loosing my gran last year and my grandad the year before. I can never get the time I spent with them back but the memories are still very vivid and strong today as they were last year.(although I admit that even remembering these things now to write it down has brought me to tears)
This year hasnt been one of my best, granted no one died which is a plus but life has its funny turns and this year i ended up falling in love to only have my heart broken followed by depression. I felt like I was very alone in the world with no one to listen or talk to, and when i tried i was told that i had no purpose in life and needed to get my life sorted out which didnt help, i cried daily and ill admit there were times where i would harm myself to make sure that i could still feel something even if it was more pain. One morning I woke up and realised i couldnt keep waking up everymorning crying and that going to sleep crying wasnt helping me either, the emptiness I felt needed to be filled and i needed to start talking rather than keeping things to myself. With the help of some amazing people I came out of this hole they were my lifeline and I really hope that they understand how much theyve helped me I guess it shows that medical science isnt the only way to get out of feeling the way I did. The guy I wrote about so often in these blogs is just another guy and I would probably say because of him ive raised my guard higher than Ive ever done before. I don’t want to hurt as much as I did and I’m defineatly not going to let myself fall for just any guy promise me the moon but untill I actually get it then it’s all just words at the end of the day.
This sort of brings me onto my  next bit, which I have been abvoiding writing for a long time because I was terrified of making any more problems but even if this isnt read by the people that need to read it then at least my side has been put down. Two friends needed to talk to me about the other person and I was put in a difficult position, one was a lifelong friend who had I had been through a lot with and trusted with my life so to put, the other was a close friend who OK I havent known as long but she helped me when I was in dark times. but for me i found it difficult to take a side, it wouldnt be fair to listen to one and then having this knowledge not say anything to the other when they tried to talk to me and vice verce. So after talking to someone who was very close to me i decided to be Switserland and keep out of it, in my view at the end of the day unless i shut the two in a room and said talk to each other and sort this out yourself  I couldnt really do much myself.  I admit now shutting myself away and saying that I wasnt going to listen to either of them wasnt one of my best ideas but like I said before how am I supposed to chose to listen to one and not the other or listen to them both knowing that in some respects im being a bad friend by not saying what I knew. I should have known then that either way I wasnt going to win. The day after the night we went out for my birthday everything went downhill. I got called a shit friend a selfish friend that I needed to sort my life out and grow up. Now hearing that from someone that means the world to me was tough, i apologised straight away trying to rectify what i had done wrong and hoped things would get better, to be honest that was the last time I properly spoke to him and it kills me to know that I might have lost another amazing friend all because of this one incident. Whenever I see him online i wonder if i should try and talk to him but stop before i do knowing i wouldnt have a clue what to say, I’m sure he was in a bad situation but to blow up at me like that was just as heartbreaking. I know i was a bad friend and i accepted it but I just get a block when i think about talking to him, what he say did upset me and normally i can just forget things and move on but this was something that has actually kept with me to the point where ive had to write it down because I know if I keep it in it wont do me any good. I dont know if I did the right thing and I cant turn back time to try a different angle whats done is done and ive apologised but its weird how im actually scared to talk to him. Its crazy how much effect things have on you when the people you hold closest to you are ‘brutally honest’. I try not to go out as much in case I cause problems and if im honest my confidence was shot I try not to talk about myself to friends anymore in case I talk to much about myself and im so so paranoid that people are talking about me after I caught a particular friend texting another about me.

Just for the record this is my blog I will talk about myself on here because i honestly dont expect people to read my ramblings and lameness.

Because of this happening i lost touch with my group of friends and was partly alienated by what had happened and partly alienated myself believing that if this person thinks im a bad friend and hasnt spoken to me since then maybe their lives are better without me in it?
But saying that Ive been spending time with other people its not in the respect of oh those friends are obviously better without me ill find new people, ive known these people for a while as well and theyve put a smile back on my face again, theyve got me laughing and thinking positive about myself again its funny how things change.

I want my friends to know this…

You are amazing, you bring so much to my life I cant even put it in words to describe what you do. I know I can count on you and I hope you feel you can count on me, whatever happens I hope that you know that even if the time comes where we are no longer friends I will still be there for you even if I do become the last person you would call I would be there in a shot. I hope you understand how brilliant you are and everything I have been through with you, all the small jokes to constantly saying quotes from the night before the years before. For anything that has happened this year if i have wronged you or upset you even slightly I am sorry and as we are coming to a New Year I hope that things can change for the best. I may not have met you often or I may have lived out of your pockets in the summer seeing you daily but you mean everything to me and if it wasnt for you I would either be in a coffin or in a asylum dosed up on so much medication I would be a shell of the person I am today. You bring out the worst and best in me and I am starting to want to get out of bed in the morning wondering what the week will bring what new ‘adventures’ will happen and how lucky I am to have someone like you in my life.
Thank you

Merry Christmas Everyone and Here’s To A Happy New Year

This Is Me The Girl You Think You All Know


Seeing as there are no decent national days and that my life is consisting of working or just not bothering with people I thought about introducing myself or more telling a little bit more about myself. I started with one of those questionnaires but there was something like 100 questions and some were absolute crap so i’m just going to sort wing it.

The Basics

Hello

I’m Bryony, otherwise known as Sunny, Bry, Bree, Breezle, BryBry, Bryers, Kibbles.

I am 22 born on the 5th November (which makes me a Scorpio and born in the year of the Rabbit which i think is quite appropriate) from the South West Born and Bred Devonshire lass, I’m about 5’5 and I think I weigh 9:10 at the moment. (im working on it) When I was young I had white blonde hair and then as I got older my hair got darker so my hair is probably classed as mousy brown or something im never going to go back to my normal hair colour so I guess we will never know. My current hair colour as you can see is red ive been blonde for 22 years and decided to go for a change so yea went a bit drastic lol. I have brown eyes but in the light they change slightly to a lighter brownish green, at the same time I do wear contact lenses and I wear colour ones at times which make my eyes an aqua greenish blue colour.

The Family

I don’t have a huge family, my family consists of my mum and dad, my brother whos 6 years older than me and my great aunty. My mum does have a brother who is married but we arnt close and I think if i walked past my uncle in the street id probably cross the street although the chances of him recognising me are slim. I have two cousins who I still talk to but im not overly close with them just like im not overly close with my aunt.
My brother is married and has an amazing wife who is also part of my family.

I only have one other family member and shes short fat ever so cute and very fluffy.

This is my lil baby Henry, she is about 2 years old born in December and we bought her in February shes part of the family and is very spoilt and baby like. She loves to come in at night times and get spoilt and watch tv.

The Life

Life is pretty mundane, I have a part time job which is so unbelievably soul destroying you wouldn’t believe I hate it but it gives me money whilst i try and find something that is vaguely decent.
Apart from my family my friends are my life

I am a lucky girl to know so many people who I can truly depend on. Everyone in life knows a lot of people but their not all friends let alone good friends many are acquaintances that we will smile and make small talk  with but the people who are your close friends, these are the people that when you feel so low you dont know what to do with yourself these are the people you can count on. I know that if my friends can help me they will and I want my friends to know that any way possible and I will help them the best I can. I wouldnt do this for any person I would do this for people that mean the world to me, that I love and that I cant live without. I don’t have pictures of me with all the people who mean a lot to me but the people who are pictured and in previous blogs are the ones worth my time and energy. I really hope they know this. I love socialising and it doesnt have to involve alcohol, alcohol is always a plus, going out and meeting people and just spending time catching up is always great no matter what the situation if it gets me out of the house i’m definitely up for it! I love my music and music festivals, I could keep on but i dont really know what else to say. I dont like liars or false people I have big trust issues and people who are false or lie just arnt worth my time or energy. I fucking hate daddy longlegs and moths they always fly towards my head for no specific reason. I’m also not a morning person so no to early mornings!

The Girl

I’m not your everyday girl, I find it difficult to get to know new people. When a lot of my friends who know me for me first met me i scared the shit out of them and still to this day I have no idea why. But once they got to know me they soon realised I am a complete special case. I get on with guys a lot more than girls, girls that I have learnt through past experiences are bitchy, can fall out over the stupidest things and when they have a problem they wont have it out theyd rather complain. Not to say I dont have my moments Christ I have my moments and on the wrong day I can get shitty at people for the stupidest things but i’ll let them know that their doing my head in and get it sorted being shitty with someone and being nice to their back cant deal with it. The girls who are my closest friends are pretty much the same as me and that suits me perfectly, especially as my best friend Gemma is pretty much my twin.
And by saying im special is pretty much because I can seem perfectly normal and then the next minute say or do the stupidest thing in the world. For example I can fall up stairs whilst not under the influence of alcohol or I have sat talking to someone wearing sunglasses where people cant see my eyes and tried to give them an evil, after i realised that couldnt see my eyes and had to tell them that i was giving them an evil…special.

I am single, it doesn’t bug me that i’m single it gets me down now and again especially as my best friends been with her bloke for 5 years but lifes what I make it so being single isnt going to get me down, i rant i feel better rant over 🙂
There is someone who I am crazy about and I wish he knew exactly how much but he’s got his own life and  how he feels to me is a complete mystery its like trying to answer a impossible riddle things are never straight forward and unless he tells me how he feels it’ll stay a impossible riddle because i’m no mind reader.

I am very warey with my feelings. The last relationship I was in pretty much ruined me. I was too comfortable with how i felt with this person and let him in, let him know how i felt and what he meant to me and did so much for him I spoiled him so much. In return he cheated on me, he was training in London and asked me to go with him for the week I was working so couldnt make it but after i finished work on the thursday i drove up to Slough where my dad lived and met him, that weekend I took him to Thorpe Park, went into London shopping one day and then back in again to see a west end show. What I didnt know was that he got some other girl to go to London with him during the days i couldnt make. That was about the first couple of months into our relationship.
When I’m with someone that means a lot to me I would do anything for them so when he crashed his car and was taken to the hospital I was right by his side and stayed with him for the next few days before I had to go home to work, I wanted to show him how committed I was I hate meeting parents im crazy shy when i first meet people and im so quiet and meeting parents and family is horrible for me ive even managed to go a whole year without meeting a now ex’s parents but I met his family quite early on. Then things started going downhill and I found out about this girl that went to London with him, we went on a break and I was willing to forgive him and take him back when i realised the reason things were getting worse is he had been cheating on me again with a girl younger than me and he wanted me to end things so it would be on my terms and he would get of free. I moved to Uni and he tx me “go to uni have fun and forget me.”
That was about two years ago and im still warey about the way I am with my feelings. If i like someone I will make it clear but i expect the same in return but when it comes to commitment I promised myself that I wouldnt make any commitment until the other person lets me know how they feel and is honest with me  100%.
I was always the first to fall for the person and the first to get hurt I cant do that anymore.

People say that i’m too nice and thats probably true i dont like to upset people unless they actually know me that well then ill tell them where to go. But generally I’m too nice apparently if I tell someone im gonna call them then ill ask if its ok just to make sure or if someone likes me and asks me out I would probably say yes then make as many excuses till they get the hint OR would make a suggestion and then avoid them I can’t say no knowing that I might upset or hurt someone. I guess you might call that sensitive to other peoples feelings or whatever i’d probably agree that im too nice, but with the help of Mark I am working on it.

Im very cautious about how I look and my appearance, OK I know what clothes I like and i’ll wear them how i want and everything but the way I look is huge to me. When I was in high school I had a huge kick in the ass with my confidence, I had terrible acne and got teased about it loads, this acne wasnt in the average spots where people would have it, it wasnt on my forehead of back it was pretty much all along just above my top lip and the years where it was really bad I didnt have any photos taken of me because it upset me so badly, I even stopped looking in the mirror. When I got to college and it slowly faded i started to gain confidence but because of the shit that I had to take when it was there I struggle with my appearance. I am not looking for compliments here but I hate the way i look I hate the way my body is and i cant stand seeing people who look better than me because it brings me down so much. I wear quite baggy clothes to hide my figure because for me it’s nothing special and when i get stressed or in certain environments my face breaks out and I try my best to cover it up because it kills me to look at myself and remember how things were.

What Else?

I cant think of anything thats a first!

Well thats me I guess if I think of anything else Ill make another blog another time but this is whats going on so far.

I’m Writing Again, These Letters To You


Have you ever started writing a letter to someone and then changed it time and time again, or after finishing it  reading it through and thinking actually no and never sending it or in turn wanting to write to someone and tell them things but no that they cant get it. Ive done this so many times and I decided to put these letters down the people i want may not be able to read them but at least theyl be somewhere and not get deleted.

Dear You

I wish I knew how to start this letter, I wish I knew the right words that would make you realise what is going on in my head and my heart. Theres so many things I wish but this is one of the biggest ones you will never understand how much I wish for this one to come true. I hope that  one day you will look back and think of me and hopefully that something will click in your head, youl realise that I was something you could have had for a long time someone who would treat you the way you want and be yours and only yours. But I guess for the now your too into yourself to realise this and i hope you seriously regret it one day. I wont lie the time we spent together was great and you made me feel alive when everything went so bad in my life i knew i could count on you and you would make this hole in my chest go away.

Ive lost people who are so close to me in my life and i think there will always be times where i sit and think i wish i had said that or done that. Because of that i try to live by being honest and tell people exactly what is going on. I may say what i feel or think and regret it but then after thinking about it understand that at least i was honest if i tell someone that they make me feel special or make me feel alive i mean it and if me saying that makes then run away then obviously they cant take my honesty and arnt worth my time. But saying that i’m not glad i was honest with you, what you did is unforgivable im not a doll i have thoughts and more importantly feelings and just like everyone else especially you i can hurt and i can feel pain. I cant explain the number of times i cried or how i blamed myself thinking I had done something wrong and how i was somehow to blame. We all make our own mistakes and it’s up to us to rectify it and to learn from it. I told you that I believe in forgiving and forgetting, and just to make it clear I forgive you for breaking my heart and making me feel worthless and self concious even to this day i forgive you for doing this and i’m forgetting you. If you see me in the street dont expect me to make eye contact dont expect a smile or even for me to walk near you because as far as i see it your just another stranger.

From

The Girl who who wasnt enough

Dear You

The first thing I want you to know is I miss you both, I miss you both so bad it hurts. I’m not going to be selfish and say I wish i had more time with you or anything of the sort the only thing i wish is that you did suffer I wish you didnt have to go through what you did. I’m even struggling to write this letter and i’ve only just started guess that shows how even after 11 months I drive past the road to your house and still think your there but I never drive past your house not anymore. The last time I saw you was being taken out by the ambulance crew I didnt get to say goodbye I didnt get to thank you and at your funeral i couldnt even stand my heart broke in a way i never thought possible that day. I couldnt sing the hymns I couldnt listen to anything that was said I couldnt even look at the coffin, after I went and sat by myself outside and as it always seems to be the one time you want to be left alone everyone wanted to stand beside me or hold me as i cried like ive never cried before or since. The one thing that helped was the vicar coming over and saying that hes never seen someone so heartbroken and that crying will help me get through my pain and after ive done crying ill start to heal.

Just knowing that you were in my life for nearly 22 years that brings a whole new comfort to me. I got to hear your stories I got to see you overcome cancer you are such a inspiration to me you made me believe in myself and what I do when I needed guidance it was you I went to and even though I cant go to you anymore I still have a good idea what you would say and to know that I have shared so many things with you in my life just makes me know im going to grow into a better person no matter what I do.

And You

I have had a year less with you before above and you suffered just as badly. I cant go into the house anymore its too empty and hollow there is nothing for me there anymore I have my memories I dont need a place to remind me anymore. Im not sure what to say that I havent said above because a lot of it pretty much is to you as well. I’ve never struggled with goodbyes but with you, you were the hardest goodbye ive ever had. It was hard to see you fade before my eyes forgetting who I and mixing me up with other people, you knew who everyone else was apart from me and obviously i’ll never know why but that was tough. But it was the day dad rushed me to work that I will never forget. It was Sunday and i dad came in took one look at me and said you need to come to the hospice with me now, I called my boss and headed over, i cant remember exactly who was there I know mum was but i cant remember very well if Damien and Jodie were. I sat beside you and held your hand you wernt awake but you squeezed my hand like you used to and I just sat with you after a while I knew I had to go and that I wouldn’t see you again because things were only going to get worse from there on and I knew I wanted to see you and remember you from then backwards and not see anymore deterioration. That night i cried myself to sleep and thats all i remembered. The next thing i remembered was going back to Bristol with Damien and Jodie and Damien getting a phone call saying that you had gone, it’s funny how I remember crying myself to sleep a moment but not whole days.

I miss you both so much your always on my mind and your definitely always in my heart I want you to know that I am who I am today partly because of you and it means so much to me.
I will never forget you

Love you always

X

Dear You

How can I describe what you do to me without sounding like a broken record and regretting what I say. I guess I cant. To me your an idea or a dream. Something that I expand and replay in my mind but know will never happen. I cannot kiss this idea or touch it or hold it, this dream doesnt bleed or feel pain and it doesnt love. Unluckily for me I do bleed, feel pain and love. Ive spent years not talking to you and it got to a point where you were yet another stranger to me and then we get talking and from then on things changed.  I went 8 months between seeing you and i managed to get you out my head then I met you again and you were all that I thought about, I cant really describe what it is that you do to me. You just seem to treat me how I feel I should be treated when I’m with you, I might be wrong but it seems that when we are together your happy I mean after receiving some of the tx’s I did i know you have your soppy moments. But still I could be wrong and it could be part of that idea again and I could quite possibly be perceiving things the wrong way. You know how I feel and you know what I think, i’m shitty wit you because I dont know where I stand one minute your a flirt a second the next it’s back to square one where it’s as if we just started talking after al those years. Your brother told me there was a time where you talked about me so much he felt he knew me…its a shame that i seem to be a phase.
But i’m not going to do this. I want you to know that no matter what, no matter how shitty I get with you I will always have a soft spot for you. I know you dont like people helping you out or get involved with you but seriously I live miles away if you needed someone that bad I would come and see you if you asked me to. Your very coded and i dont know what you want i’m simple if i want someone to call me i’ll call them all they need to do is ask, if i offer to call or do sumit for you dont give me a vague answer give me a straight answer. If I said to you i’ll call you later if you want dont reply yea if you want to either say yea that sounds good or no im busy.
I’m a girl thats not going to change im pretty simple and straight forward with things. I’m not going to keep on but I just want you to know i’m here if you ever need me or need somewhere to go whatever just dont push me away.

I’ve gone to far to come back from here, but you don’t have a clue what you do to me

From

The Girl That Will Always Be There And Never Noticed

Dear You

Oh what to say to you. I think firstly a bit I miss you is in store. I miss you so much, you have affected my life in such a huge way and I will never be able to thank you. You always had such a lust for life and it was taken away from you but your lust for life spread to the rest of the group were all doing something it may not be interesting but were living our lives the way we think we should. I wouldnt mind a change but still plenty of time.
I have one regret and I will live with that regret till I die. That regret is that I never told you how i felt about you you were so special to me and i never let it slide.
You were the one thing I remember clearly of high school and college when a lot of things are a blur you stand out clearly. I dont want this to be a sad letter i left you one of them the  day we buried you. You are a legend and we will forever talk about you your legacy will live on and we will make sure of that. I’m still reading Heat but apparently it’s a film and I still havent seen it! If only you knew how much you affected our lives. This will always be a short letter because our time we spent together was so short but it meant so much to me.

Love

The Girl Who Wishes You Were Still Here

“Pouring over photographs. I’m living in your letters. Breathe deeply from this envelope it smells like you and I can’t be without that scent. It’s filling me with all you mean to me.”

And Tomorrow Is A New Day And Tomorrow I Start Over


I know that i probably say this a lot but i need to start over and im finding it SOO difficult! Pretty much a case of two steps forward eight steps back and it sucks! Keeping in mind I am quite grumpy and tired so that would explain why im like this pretty much.
So to keep my mind at bay im trying to look forward to things and after September is over I have A LOT to look forward to October consists of…

Thursday 7th – Bowling for soup Bristol
Friday 8th – Bowling for soup Exeter
Wednesday 13th – Rhod Gilbert
Monday 18th – Charlottes Birthday
Thursday 28th – Avenged Sevenfold and Stone Sour Birmingham

November

Tuesday 2nd – Ross Noble
Friday 5th – My Birthday ( gotta look forward to Tar Barrels)
Monday 8th – My Brother’s Birthday
Wednesday 10th – Less Than Jake suported by Zebrahead
Friday 12th –  Devil Driver supported by 36 Crazyfists
Friday 26th – 30 Seconds To Mars in Cardiff with a travelodge and plenty of drinking

My best friend is moving back to Sheffield in September and if i can get the time off ill be making the trip up with her to help her move and also to hit Corporation. Then after organising 30 seconds to Mars with my friend we have somehow decided on a road trip to party with people in the UK basically.  Some of the places we have in  mind so far consist of Leicester, Sheffield and Camden its just the time off money and where were gonna stay we need to sort out!
ANYWAY its only a short blog as ive got work at 6.30 tomorrow but i need to write down things to look forward to so when i feel down I can look at these dates and look forward to them if anything new happens ill include them.

“You’re not worth, losing my self esteem, Your clever words mean nothing more to me than a line i heard in a movie, You’re not worth, losing my self esteem, You’re not worth, putting myself in these situations.”

For the Sake of Remembering


When we leave high school we all move into different things but so we remember people on the last day we have a book and sort of like an American year book we all wrote notes to one another. I found my book the other day so in case I lose the book I have decided to write them all here. This is purely for me but feel free to read.

Hey u!

well i’m not happy that you got the same book lol! good luck in everything u do & everything in life! We have had are highs & lows but we have still kept our friendship strong you are gr8 mate make sure you keep in touch! all the best
Love ya Lynz
Xxxx
Ps I found some pics on my computer of that Jezz Guy Lol
Xxx
Bry Hello..I apologise for the setback caused by Mr Preece (belled!) We have had a shitload of useless, crap filled conversations since the days of year 9 maths revision classes. From a ‘pot smokin hippy-lovin kaner’ to a rather humerous convo in antons bedroom to that wet, cold camping trip in sophies field ( for argument sake, I did not say it, you made it up :D)
also you should feel previledged that i risk my social reputation by screaming your name in a busy school corridoor.
Have fun ill see you at another party
love Da Dudley
(Lewis dont forget my real name)
Oi Bry, you sexy bitch 😉
Cnt really fink of much to say so im just gonna say hope your GCSE’s go well and all the best for the future
Lots of Love…Cheers Harry
xxx
Hi Bry
Good luck wit ur exams nd everything else that your plannin on doin.
I dont really no wat 2 say so i’m gonna go now but take care nd ill c ya around
Luv Kim

Goodluck with your future life (getting high and drunk) white elephants pink tables, anton loves the mcfly
Tom Northrop
The first time I spoke to you i was in year 9, in a certain science called which some people said was taught by Jesus himself. We spoke about random things such as your a punk :). Until late year 10 where we were in a play together (some sweedish play) I quit but had fun having a laugh with you
Good luck and all that shit
Cheers Tom

Heylo Bree dude!
good luck in the future!! we have had some good times in the past!! 🙂
Gonna miss you! 😦
Always keep in touch if you dont i will chuck sponges at you!
🙂 Have fun in college!! Media students!! Yay! 🙂
love you laods 🙂 ♥ 🙂
Loadsa love Katie
xxx

Hey Bree
Good luck in your exams and the future girl your gonna do great! when your making your millions take some time out to think about the good old days! hehe! make sure we keep in contact don’t want you forgetting me now!lol
Love you loads Poodle

Well Well Well…
Hello mrs Bryong!
Im not gonna say my goodbyes spuddy coz i no that we aint gonna lose touch but i am gonna say ill miss ya!!:(! ill miss cumin in 2 the pe lessons, goin 2 the cinema on mondays, goin 2 get tubble! lol! I love ya so much bree, weve had highs and lows but wot friendship hasnt…u’ve always bin there 4 me and i hope i have 4 u! were still gonna be goin up town on sat! gud luck wit ure exams tho i no u wont need it coz u’ll do gr8! All the best Spud!
Love u always +4eva tubble/Spuddy buddy, smee, piglet, etc lol! (Steph)
xxx
Ps Malcom in the middle

Natalie is here!
Well Bry, i’m feelin pretty sad cuz ive got to rite this! i know your gonna 2 well in your GCSE’s, ur so smart and very talented, you can achieve anything u want, (you can ever go to an asylum if u want 2!) I’ve grown up wit u, we went 2 1st school,Xwik middle & now wer at the end of high school, its been soo much fun and there aqre so many memories, all good ones. You’ve been such a great friend 2me, remember i only live up the road OK! I’m sure we’ll stay in touch, our little gang of legends! I hope college goes well 4 u, plz remember me!! weve had such a laugh and I will never 4get it. Thank you 4 everythin
Love ya 4evea +always i’ll miss you Loadsa love Natalie
xxx

Hey
I hate writing these dam things. For everyone else i say good luck etc but i know we wont loose touch! Cant wait till this summer! I think a return trip to Totness is in order! you me and nat! Good luck with your exams, youll be fine! cant wait till we get to college, its gonna be so much fun!
See you around soon
Lucy Borde
-x-

Heya!

Ok all the usual stuff along the lines of good luck for the future and with your exams! We have to keep in touch because remember thr Tripod! If one leg falls we all do! 🙂 We’ve had some funny times! hehe I’m Sorry (you know what I mean) but i’m sure there’ll be loads more fun nights  to come.
Love ya Bree ☆ Stacey Clarke ☆

Heya Bryony,
I fink i’ve said the same thing in every book but never mind! So good luck in your exams!!! I’ll probably see you around college but I hope oyu achieve everything you wanna do in life (which is probably loads!!) hope we keep in touch but if not Stay cool!!
Loads Luv Cynthia
-X-

Hello bird
Gud luck in all your exams especially science i know u” do well, hehe! take care in whatever you do
Loads luv Gema xxx Barbie

Hey Bryony
Goo luck with everything and never forget “An island far from here” (not that you ever will) That was so bad
Anyway good luck Love Bella

Hey Bry!
Good luck in the future! And never talk of Island far from here again!..(the worst play in the world) Have Fun
Love Ana Xx

Hey Bry
Good luck 4 da futur and all your “godly endevours…” luv the ‘tramp girl’ xXx (Becky Stig Heysett)

To Bryony
You will pay for the pain you have caused over the past two years. Have fun in college ‘babes’ Amy Walton xxx

Hi Bryony
Hope you do well in everything you wana do in da future! Hundred Reasons as a good night! hehehe
Love Lau (hunt)
-X-

Bryony
Good luck with whatever you decide to do with life! Love Emily Fouracre

Bryony
Hello dear tis eliot, aww I do remember french trip ’01’ that was splendid. Bollocks. Ive started talking about memories. Let me quote a line from Macbeth. “is this a dagger I see before me” Anyhow u’ve been a very bubbly laugh and it has been a pleasure to know you. See you in college hope you have a good, good, good life ♥ Eliot “you stole my sausage”

Bryony
Good luck for hte future and I hope you have as much fun doing what you want as you did here 🙂 dont be sausage factory fried!!
Tim Threadgold
May the force be with you!! Shmeng!

Good luck with your midged searching Bry!All the best for the future! Tim told me to write that luv Dean

Bry,
Good luck with whatever you do after school. I havent known you for very long but we have had quite a good laugh in history. Tim saying *562: Curiosity Killed the cat. Dont know what that means. Have Fun
Chris

well Hello Bry,
It’s not long till our little adventure (wink wink) we will live a little, live a lotto I think so! I’ll def keep in touch with you, and you no it, all the assholes maybe not good luck (and all that shit), basically we rule and “TEAM FUCKERS” it’s guna be hard to live without thee Berridge and his chambon
C u l8r Loadsa Luv Sophieeeee
xxx

Well Bry,
here we are and im glad we will finish school on good terms. I knw ive been a bit of a knobhead sometimes (the alps) etc, but your a good friend. I hope you do well in your exams and succeed in your ambition to be the car wash manager at the BP garage. Well i cant think of much else to write except good luck and have a good summer, and Berlin and Paris was fun (just rememberd to put that in
See you soon and good luck Adam (the Tripp version)

Vin-
You usually need to smoke 40 a day to get a voice like yours. Thanks for the romantic breaks in Paris and Berlin
Enjoy yourself J Hurst

Bryony
wishing you all the best; its going to be a lot quieter without you here. make sure you carry on listening to decent music and good luck with your exams! Enjoy the break and have a fab time at college
Rob Preece

Hey Brigadeer,
I discovered yesterday Brigadeer is an army term, theres eomthing new! I phlemged on my media paper, a massive big greeny! I forgot to wipe it off so lucky examiner
Love Fe

Hello BRY
havent really spoke to you much these years, but remember the Alps trip that was fun. Hope all goes well and that. C u arond
Mr. Josh Rew

YoYoYo Mofo its me Joe (woo it rhymes)
These books are scary cause i have nothing to write ummmmmmmmmmm on good luck and stuff
Joe

Hello Dear Bryony my Lovely!
I aint gonna mention future life or exams so i ain’t really god much to say! History probably best lesson ever!!! Keep eating like you do in History and Media you’ll soon be a turkey on a Christmas dinner (except you wont be dead!) I might be though, I’m gonna be in a horrific car crash at the tender age of 23… Anyway. Cheers Lover
I’ll see you around anyway so theres no point cryin over spilt milk!
Jon
-x-

To Bry (Legend)
Havent known u that long but weve had so LARFS! London was comedy, espeically the love birds (Tom + Leanne). Good luck with the future, your GCSE’s your life and of course Neil!
Luv Ching xxx

To Bry
Good luck in ya exams and the future. Make sure you reading Heat magazine (but apparently its a film!) weird. We have had a lot of fun. Good luck with neil.
Love Tom Hitt
Ps I always enjoyed the spanking!

Hey there Bry!
You’ll prob look back in ten years time, and think ‘oh i remember Tom, fat ugly annoying!’ lol. Well youd better ring me in the summer, else i will be LIVID! lol, if you dont have my number 😀 I hope you have a good time in college taking all of your GCSE’s again…LOL… well im in love with you and I want your babies…
Bye now! Love yah! Tom Fairchild

Yo Yo Bry,
yoo crazy minx. good luck with the future you Stupid Gothic! lol
Forgive the spelling and handwriting
Will xxx Squidgery!

Alrite Bry
Gd luck in ur exams hope you enjoy college and whatever the future may bring
Cyou around Luff Oldman
-x-

Bry
good luck in your exam have fun in the future
See you around Samie

Hey Bry,
Good luck in da future and ue exams
C u soon Luv Tom

Ello u!
Good luck in ur exams + the future + the same old crap every1 else says!!! We are the xwick scum and dont ever 4 get that! Keep in touch + if you dont im gonna stalk u and drive u insane! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Remember – Kylie is betta than Natalie! Cu son luv Kylie (the Gr8)

Hey Bry 😛
oh my God this is so weird it doesnt feel like it has been 4 years does it? it’s quite sad this will probably be the last week that we are all together in one place, but we will stay in touch i know we will. We aint been good friends for years but we are going to be friends for years to come, we can go for double dates etc… talk about boys hehe. I wish you luck in your GCSE’s but i doubt you need it I bet you will do great! But on the safe side GOOD LUCK! but its going to be so much cooler now were college students, we can talk about grown up stuff. Dont forget how we became so close on out 1 day relationship dont forget the happiest day of our lives!
Best of luck xxxx Chrisxxx
Spud=Average, Pud= fat and ugly, Stud= Fitty, Fud= fat, Dud= Ugly Remember this for your next boyfriend make sure its a stuf though!

hry Bry!
Well its not really cya because we live near each ova but hey! Good luck with your exams and in whatever you decide to do. Chat to ya later
Luv Katherina Henawody xxx

Well Bry!
Wot can i say… I dont wanna say the same things everyone has said. I’m gonna see ya again coz we gotta stay in touch darlin! Remember the good old times when you puked on my leg Biatch! Remember me and you one the piss ups when your feeling down! Only a few days left in this shit hole lol! have fun Emxxx

Hey Bry
Good luck in your exams and for the future! Have fun in college (of your going) and i may see you around. Hope you succeed with your dreams in life! It will be sad to leave but a relief to get away from the shit’ole!
See ya Luv Lucie

Hey bry
hope ya doin good!
Good luck with your exams and everything you wanna do in life when you leave this place!!!
Oh yea, and remember…”thats Whack” See ya Bry Luv Carly xx

Hey Bry
Make sure you kick ass in your exams!  Good luck in your future plans, and dont get stoned too often! I doubt we’ll cross paths again…actually we probably will 🙂
Tal

Hell Bry
just got writing this sentence and realised that ive already wrote in it, graphics and maths was fun. C u at our reunion Luff Oldman

Hey Bry
History has been class, will miss ganging up on fatty, good luck in da future, dont do better than me in your exams (but still do really well!)
Luv MAtt

Hiya Bry
Just a little note to say good luck in your exams and in da future Love Carl

Hry Bryony
Good luck with your exams and in the future Cya around Mark Andrews

Bryony
Great having you in the class, i will miss the abuse good luck in the future
Hi Bry
Sorry bout da shit note earlyer good luck in the future no doubt wel see each other out of school c u soon love anton
Ps this note sucks im so tyred and board sorry 🙂
Antonia Ablangardis

Bonjour Maddam
Well, firstly i think i love you! I really will miss you! I dont know what your doing when you leave school and to be honest i dont much care. Now that i think of it i hate you. Good luck  I guess! Lots of love (ish) Jonny -X- Ps. Mrs Diffey is a farm bitch

Heya Bry!
Gud luck with all your exams and anything you do in da future we havent really spoke through kool but theres no reason why we cant start. And well that Bitch Natalie i would  love to have given her a smack that night! hehe! make sure you dont let her read your book if you get her to sign it! lol! your a great gal and you will go really far in life! might c u at college in your going keep in touch and give us a text and let me know how you get on with your GCSE’s
Love Beef + Ham (beth)

Hey Bry!
Good luck in your exams! it was great knowing we had a good laugh in drama (gonna miss that!) anyways i aint gonna bore you so i shall stop now! see you around Luv Draper

Hey sweetie pie!

thanks for all the good times! thanks for the black eye, and green nose! lol! that was all the good times! and when i meet you next year at college we can have an even better time! Love you lots miss you lots love Imy xxx

Hey Bry
Well wot can i say ive only known you for 4 years but what an unforgettable  4 yars i will never forget us sharing our genius minds in science & how well we do in it. Your always there for someone whenever their down and need cheering up Thanks for being there for me must keep in contact ll the best at college and the future miss you loads luv Ellexxx

Hey Bry
Cheers for lettin me go to the concerts and all that ill always remember berlin and the cat ears lol anyway good luck and hope you do well in the future love leanne x

Hello bry i hope all your exams go well! have a fun summer holiday good luck what ever you do Kour

Hey Bry
dont know you that well but good luck with whatever you choose to do. have fun with neil if your still with him! Dan

Cheers Bry
good luck in all your exams hope you have a good time at the prom
Paul Andrews

You will be much missed in my ICT lessons-your sense of humour, loudness and determination to suceed. Congratualtions on the major improvements you have made and good luck in your future and future studies. It has been a pleasure and a privilege to know you
Berrige

Hi
During the time i have known you i have had a goo laugh especially in Berlin, I hope we stay in contact and dont let friendship end. Good luck in your exam see ya at the prom
Love From Tom White

Hiya Bry
Best of luck in your GCSE’s and whatever you decide to do look after yourself and ill prob see you around take care. Love ya loads Ross
Ps just remember to tell your kids if  you have them about when i snotted

Hey bry dont really know you but  good luck with whatever you do from now on Joe

Cheers Bry, your sound as and I wish all the best! Remember gettin fucked is good! this signature will make you a very rich woman one day- Martin

Hey bry
Well I havent known you dat long but I’m glad we’ve had media 2getha! Its been an experience! Try 2 4get ‘an island far from here’ if u can! god mr Diffeys teeth! Good luck in all your exams and for whatever you do in the future! Luv lauraxx

Hi Bry
Remember me when you think of all those wonderful lessons with our fave teachers! Good luck for the exams and college Sam

Hey Boris
Well its been cool knowing you apart from when you use to cough insults at me! but ive forgiven you lol. i hope you have a good summer, chris is a good guy remember but im not pressuring your choice, Dont get too drunk, reaks havok…just ask chris (alcoholic joke) anyway better go- Fe

Dear Bryony
I’m not sure I can do this, I’ve just realised im writing this on Felix’s backside! Oh well, i’ll just have to go on-oh no! That sounds terrible. wait ive lost my point!..er where was i? oh yes
its been a reali pleasure working with you.  Youve been a great student and ive got a lot of great memories of fun times weve had in English and Media. Have a goo life and good luck in everything you do- Christopher Coles

Bryony
The quietest person of the year…NOT! You have made me lauh and contributed to me knowing why I teach! you deserve every success…quite in what im sure you will discover! All I do know is, that whatever it is, you will make a huge impact! Lots + lots of Luck Dave Salter x

Bryony keep smiling chicky all the best for the future Mr P (rons dad?)

Bryony your a very special person make sure you get what you deserve from life- Neil

Hello Bryony Best of luck in what you want to do in ya life. Sure u will suceed with whatever it is. no we aint that close but u a diamond! chris is a real looker youl lose out if you dont! good luck love robx

Hey Bryony
Best of luck 2 the future u rule thanks for being there all the time cheers Cozxxx

Whats up Bry
hope you get the grades you want love cory

Well Bryony
the 4 years are at last over and what a 4 years they were! Hope all goes well for you in the future most of all be happy! see you around -Mrs Cushing

Hello Bryony
Well your a clever girl and i sincerly wish you all the best in your exams and for the future!! you havent changed look wise (in the face) since you were little, so when you 66 in oxam and im soon next to you you cant run and hide. ill buy you coffee and some fake teeth! take care love Lois

Good luck work hard at all you do…the rewards will be worth it..Wishing you a life of laughter love Mrs G

Best wishes Bryony the quiet one (well at least compared to Nat + Leah) youve been brilliant to teach and i wish you all the best love Adele Dudley

Aiden is the best x
Dawnies Page!!!
Yo Dude! It’s been a longtime now what is it? 11 or more years of school together my God i need to get some new friends only Joking! Anyways as im writing this im nearly having to wipe away a tear! You have been there for me and I have been there for you. I love you loads and want you to do well in life! get what you make it and you only get one chance at it! Chin up my darling take cre ill never forget you!
Dawn xxx 🙂

Hey Tinkerbell!
Where to start? its  been so much fun growing up with you, we’ve had so many fun times that i’ll always remember with a smile! You’ve got the talent and the sparkle to go very far (o’ll come scrounging off you when your rich:) ) Always keep your chin up and a smile on your face! Please Please PLEASE don’t lose touch coz id miss you too much!
Hope you get your puppy one day!
Take car Love Lizzi
xxx

Tomorrow Is A Different Day


Seeing as i work weekends ive decided that there isnt much point in celebrating a national day unless its an awesome day and then ill defo celebrate it.
I am looking forward to tomorrow, tomorrow is All Or Nothing day and i am planning on making big changes to myself, my life and how I see it.

Ive also changed the web site that i get my national days from the choices that I had from that website wernt overly great so ive changed to http://www.holidaysforeveryday.com/caljul07.shtml which is where I will be getting my national days from now on.

This isnt an overly great blog as Ive been to work today and it was a killer shift as it was so unbelievably dead.
Lets just say tomorrow will be a better day, oh and here is the final piece of my sketch that I did..I should get commission for this

“Tomorrow is a different day”

Come What May


Yes my national day of blogs has been written and I was going to leave it at that but for some reason I couldnt seem to help myself pressing new blog and starting this, and even as I’m trying I’m not entirely sure what to put im listening to The Scene Aesthetic Come What May and it is actually meaning a lot to me at the moment. I spoke to someone the other day who said that every song he listens to reminds him of this girl thats messed him over and no matter what he plays he somehow relates to it. Listening to Come What May I cant help but sit and relate to the words more and more. There is literally nothing I can do to prove that im being honest and when i finally get round to being 100% honest it gets taken the wrong way and im kinda left at square one again and I dont know what to do. If i try to explain myself do i just make things worse or do i leave it and think what happens happens and if it doesnt happen then it doesnt happen. I mean im i can spend a day being so busy and yet still see this person through the windows in my mind and then there was one day where i didnt think of him and then i dreamt about him, I cant seem to find a balance. Today i was looking for my sketch book to upload pictures of sketches and i found a old book that i used to write in and found something that I wrote and adapted a little but i swear that i must have gone back in time and written this because it seems so relevant to me now.

Come here and talk to me so we can sort all this out
Ive been hoping and praying to find the right time
To show you what i’m all about
And i know that this probably isnt going to turn out
Exactly the way I want it to be

Yet this is the only way of clearing the clouds
And when this is over and done with you can walk away
There will be no doubts

Let me tell you whats really going on now
Lets get a little closer now
You say that ive got you wrong and you dont want to know
I say that the things ive done is nothing wrong
And we still have time on our side

Please realise were both wrong
Just come and talk to me
Your forever in my mind
I just wish we could get a better view of each other
I’ll take you back
To remember how we used to be
Just open yourself up a little to me

Take this time and let me know
Come closer and let it show
So let me tell you whats really going on now
Lets kiss a little longer now

I’ll leave you alone if you want to
Or I can call you and tell you how your oh so special to me
You can be with me if you want to
And i’ll try to keep you close to me

I really don’t know why
I don’t have a clue
But who he thinks I am
Is who I am it’s true

Then i found my sketches

I am not original i have seen these sketches and drawings and thought i wana draw that so i copy the picture and then change it to suit me, but they all stand out a moment in my life. The first sketch was something i drew ages ago, and then i was going out with my asshole of a ex started shading and although i dont want to say it it has made it look better.
The next one is just a different mad hatter with an emo touch really nothing to explain on that one.
The couple oh how i love and hate this picture. I drew it for my ex which is me and him it took me a long time to get it right and i messed up on the girl’s eyes so badly. I love it because for me it represents a time where i felt loved and felt like i was something special. Something which I have felt since and hoping that I’ll feel it again.
The next was a chained angel which i drew when I was living in Plymouth and having a rough time my grandad had just died and I was so lost  and for me it represented sort of not a fallen angel but a trapped angel. This is part of the reason why I had my angel wings tattooed on my back today.
The next image is a copy of  Tara McPherson’s Look Out Mr. Wiggles Drawing. I love it and her work is amazing i didnt change a thing just down right copied it and i really want her work as my own preferbly the same poster as the one I have drawn the same on that Juno has in her room in the film Juno.
Tara McPherson also designed a poster for the Sonisphere festival too. If you havent heard of her Check her out Shes Awesome! http://www.taramcpherson.com/

The second to last sketch is just of a elf girl that i was going to use as part of my character design for a film i was going to make whilst in Plymouth but never did and forgot about.
Finally my emo girl. Whilst living in Plymouth I used to talk to someone everyday and by calling him pretty much everynight i ended up with a hefty phone bill but it was worth it. Anyways i drew this little emo girl blowing a kiss as i was in a good state of mind he made me feel special as he has done before and I hope will do again. But I was in a soppy mood and took a picture of the sketch and sent it to him. He asked me to sketch him something and I started it but lets just say its a work in progress and its very near completion 🙂

I hope things work out soon and that i find out  where i stand because i really dont have a clue and it makes me feel worse 😦

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